“So yesterday my girlfriend was getting all over my case about how we’d better have a good Valentine’s Day this year because every year she just dreads this holiday (join the squadron) because I always disappoint her, and I never really think about what would please her; and forget about ever really appreciating her.“She thought I should pick up a tabloid once in a while because, ‘Just look at how Brad Pitt totally adores Angelina. And not just because she’s gorgeous. He was the same way with Jennifer; and would have been the same way with Gwyneth if she hadn’t cheated, but she was only nineteen then and didn’t really get the integrity thing about him. Major miscalculation. But whatever.’“So I finally said, ‘Okay, I may not be Brad, but you’re no Angelina, either.’ And suddenly, I’m single. What’d I say?”Just don’t write in anymore, okay. Feel lucky she hadn’t read Helpful Hint #16.