Great break-up lines in Valentine’s Day history:

• “No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.”
• “I still want to be friends.”
• “You’re great, but …”
• “I don’t know if I believe in soul mates.”
• “I just need some time alone.”
• “It’s not you, it’s me.”
• “Can I have my DVD player back?

If even the possibility of hearing one of the aforementioned lines exists, buy (don’t waste your time baking) a cream pie (of any kind), and have it ready (preferably to your right, unless you’re a lefty) on the table. No matter how cool the person thinks he/she is, getting a pie in the face immediately after trying to pass off something as stupid as one of these excuses might not stop him/her from doing it to someone else, but he/she will definitely make the next attempt over the phone.Consider it a public service.